Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Foreign.
[00:00:15] Speaker B: Hello, everyone. My name is Todd Wahl, and welcome to Communication Makeover, where we believe that intentional communication will lead to the breakthrough that you're looking for, but both in your business and in your life. And today's makeover is something, I think, that every single one of us feel. When you have the thought of getting on stage or having a presentation, it's that tingle in your belly, that nervousness that makes you want to run for the hills. That's what we're talking about today. Deidre is going to lead a live coaching session where we talk through and find tactical strategies on how to battle that. That very nervousness. Let's go.
[00:01:03] Speaker C: Do you go on stage a lot? How many times are you speaking per year?
[00:01:10] Speaker A: Right now, it's probably close to two times a month, so about 24 shows a year. And that's not counting podcasts. If we throw a podcast in there, it's a lot more.
[00:01:22] Speaker C: Okay, so you're. You're definitely doing them more. And you must be doing something right to get that many calls to speak.
[00:01:33] Speaker A: Yeah, I think the material is good. I trust from my experience that the material is good and that I give tactical and practical ideas, but I would love to be more confident because I have gotten some speaker feedback that's talked about my voice or talked about, you know, things as far as, like, the presentation, like myself goes, the confidence. So I just want to do a better job of feeling confident. And I think, I mean, we all know this, right? When you're confident, other people can tell. And I just want to get to a place where instead of feeling like I want to run away from the stage right before I get on to, like, getting on and being like, yes, we're going to crush this together.
[00:02:17] Speaker C: Is it the stage experience itself? Is it the environment that you go into, or does something happen within you even long before you step out onto the stage?
[00:02:30] Speaker A: I think it's just I get nervous when I get on stage in front of a lot of people. The biggest event that I spoke at this year was, I think, 3,000 people in the audience, and that is just nerve wracking when it's a small group of people. I feel much more confident when it. When becomes like a larger stage with a lot of people and the lights and everything. I think I just. I think I just let my nerves take over.
[00:02:54] Speaker C: Okay, and how do you prepare for whether it's a small group or it's a large group? Walk me through what you do right before you speak.
[00:03:07] Speaker A: Mostly I try to pick out the Talking points so. So I can tell a story or kind of arc a story or weave a story throughout the presentation.
So sticking those talking points, trying to remind myself to slow down, which is hard in the moment, Way easier said than done. And just trying not to let the nerves take over my throat. You know, sometimes when you get nervous, get a little verklempt in your throat, your throat kind of like wants to close up on you and you sound even squeakier that trying to manage that.
[00:03:42] Speaker C: Does that happen, Brooke, when you're in other situations or is it only on stage? Because I've been with you on podcasts, live streaming, and I don't recognize that happening. So when does that happen?
[00:03:59] Speaker A: It typically happens on stage in front of a larger group of people. When it's a smaller group of people, even if it's a classroom style setup where maybe there's 20 to 40 people, I feel okay, once we start to get over into like the hundreds or thousands of people, my mind starts to race.
[00:04:17] Speaker C: Okay, let, let's, let's talk there. So we have clearly targeted. It is the stage. You do have nerves. Can you share what is it? Picture yourself almost how you want to be. Tell me what would be ideal for you when you step out onto that stage.
[00:04:41] Speaker A: I think if I picked three words, it would be calm, cool, and collected. I still want to be cool, but I want to be calm. I want to be collected. I don't want to race with my words. I want to like, hit those points in a really smart and savvy way so that people really pick up what I'm putting down instead of rushing through it because I'm nervous.
[00:05:02] Speaker C: Okay. And do you take a moment before you go out or even a day before or two days before to check in with yourself on how you're doing and how you're feeling and even how you're breathing?
[00:05:19] Speaker A: I do. And I don't. Like, sometimes I am right before I go on stage. I'm back there just trying to listen to the crowd, like trying to get myself hyped up. And then sometimes I'm like too much in my head and then I'm saying to myself, okay, Brooke, just step away from it. Go to your happy place. Let's not think about it. Let's just get up there and get it done.
[00:05:40] Speaker C: Well, I know all about the happy place, and it's a good place to go. And everybody has a different one.
Let's talk about your breathing. Step number one, because I know we've, we've probably had conversations about this before. But the way you breathe and how you show up really has a will play out in the outcome of your speaking engagement. Breathing calms your brain. If you're breathing the right way, it turns on your parasympathetic nervous system. Maximum benefit to your organs, and that's the calm that you're looking for. So do you recognize how you're breathing? As simple as, am I breathing in my chest or am I breathing in my diaphragm? If you were to put your hand, Brooke, on your chest and on your stomach and just breathe for a few moments, in through your nose, out through your mouth, deeply, and then tell me which hand moves the most. So go ahead, start breathing for me.
[00:06:43] Speaker A: My tummy hand is moving now.
[00:06:45] Speaker C: Okay, that's the hand that you want to move, but something tells me that you're. That's belly breathing. It means the air is in your diaphragm and you're getting maximum benefit to your brain. But right before speaking engagement, if you're not conditioning yourself to be belly breathing, then you're breathing in your chest. And if you get nervous and excited, the air goes up into your throat and it makes it hard to speak. And then that's where we get to the voice, because the more you breathe in your diaphragm, you keep that lower, richer sounding voice.
So how do you think you're breathing before you go on stage?
[00:07:29] Speaker A: Definitely not through my diaphragm. I'm probably breathing up here. I don't know if you can do neck breathing. That's probably why.
[00:07:36] Speaker C: Okay, well, neck breathing, unfortunately, is a thing, but when we. When we throat breathe, we spray our words, and it doesn't sound good. And it can be annoying to audiences when people are listening. So that's why even long before your speaking engagement starts or your next one, you want to check in and ask yourself, how am I breathing? And that's as simple as starting to breathe, feeling the air go in through your nose and out through your nose, recognizing it's in your diaphragm, and then saying, just to make sure you're fully present. This is what I do to get present.
I say, what do I see?
What do I hear? What do I smell? What do I feel? I'm sitting in a chair right now. My feet are on the floor. My elbow's on a table. I can feel it. That gets you really tuned in. Have you ever tried that?
[00:08:41] Speaker A: No, never. I'm just so busy trying to make myself not nervous that I don't do any of these things. So I Feel like if I could get into the routine of having a routine, you know, it's like Pavlov's response, right?
[00:08:54] Speaker C: You're.
[00:08:54] Speaker A: I'm training myself when I hear the bell or when I start the breathing exercises, that I go into, like, a different state.
[00:09:01] Speaker C: Right. And you. You want to have that practice getting into that state, because the more you practice, how you. Whatever you're feeling before you go out on stage is what plays out on stage. So if you can get to a place of alignment and this breathing, believe it or not, it affects the sound of your voice. It will lower your voice. It will make you have that confident voice. You'll have full fluency, meaning higher brain cognition. You'll be able to find your words very easily. And then all of a sudden, your body language is in sync with what you're saying. That is full alignment and full flow. But it will take you practicing belly breathing for a little while.
[00:09:52] Speaker A: Yeah, and getting excited, too. Like, when I get excited, my voice and my hands go way up here.
[00:09:59] Speaker C: So there's nothing wrong with being excited. There's three different planes when you speak. So this is the exaggerated plane. And if you want to share something really big, you go up here. But you can't be up there all the time. You want to be between the chin and the waist, and that's the truth plane, where your hands are open and they're relaxed. And usually when you're breathing properly, it's a lot easier to be in the truth plane, plane. And then there's a lower plane where your hands go below your waist. That's not a good plane to hang out in. So that's something that you can also work on even just when you're in your zoom meetings or you're having conversations with people. Where are my hands? What are they doing? But there's a series of things that you can. You want to do beforehand and get into practice. And even as far as. Remember how I said, what do you see? What do you visualize? Do that beforehand. Start a few days early and think about this speaking engagement and how do you want it to play out? Close your eyes and see yourself walking onto that stage and see the people, they're smiling, they're championing you. They want to hear you said you have good content, great tips and takeaways. If you can picture that kind of value in your mind, where you're happy to present and they're happy with the information, visualize that your brain doesn't know the difference between what's past, present, or Future, it just knows what is that will play out. That will help you to feel more comfortable.
[00:11:46] Speaker B: Can you see the makeover beginning to happen right in front of our face? Stick with us. We will be right back with more.
Welcome back, everybody. My name is Todd Wall. I am loving the discovery that's taking place between Deirdre and Brooke. You can begin to see almost the beginning of the dots connecting as, oh, yeah, yeah. And then I do this, and then I do this. You're about to see that even clearer. Watch as Deirdre takes this discovery, this new awareness of now that we know the problem. And she's beginning to kind of tiptoe into things. Watch as it begins to get extremely tactical. I love how Deirdre laid out the what if you did this, this and this beforehand? And she's like, I'd never thought of that before, maybe. And so you see the beginnings of this. What if I did this and this beforehand? Like a routine. Because it's the little things that we do that make the biggest difference. Let's watch the rest of the interview. Here we go.
[00:13:01] Speaker C: Happy audience. An audience that's receptive. Tell me about horseback riding. How do you picture yourself riding?
[00:13:09] Speaker A: Oh, that's funny that you say that because it's all about breathing. You really have to ride with your core.
[00:13:14] Speaker C: Exactly.
[00:13:16] Speaker A: And it's all about breathing. And you have to kind of leave everything behind so that you're present in that moment on the horse.
And I like to visualize. I do a lot of that by visualizing, okay, this is going to go well. Or I tell myself, I prompt myself, almost like artificial intelligence. You are an award winning Olympic rider.
[00:13:36] Speaker C: You know, that's exactly it. And how long do you do this in advance of riding?
[00:13:44] Speaker A: Or is it so the car ride to the barn or. And also when I'm on too, you know, sometimes I may not like get a pick up the canter or something. And so then I'll start, I'll reset.
Like I'm giving my. I totally see what you're saying now because I'm like, because if I start to get excited or a little too up here, it's a reset moment. Take a pause, visualize, like being more calm, cool and collected. Reset and then start again.
[00:14:14] Speaker C: Exactly.
[00:14:15] Speaker A: You know what it is too? I, I think I, I get scared of pausing sometimes because of the silence. But I also know that silence can be powerful. So what advice do you have there around, like, how long are you allowed to pause, like, say, to reset?
[00:14:33] Speaker C: I think it depends. You can take a Pause to gather thoughts, to make people wait. You can't take a five minute pause, sure, when you're on stage, but you're going to know that timing, you're going to feel it. And usually the reset is quick if you're doing the proper reset with the breathing. Because the minute you calm down and breathe correctly, whatever you need will come to you. And it sounds uncomfortable, like, I don't know if what I just said struck you as I can do it, or oh, gosh, I don't know if I can do it. But believe it or not, just that breathing helps the brain to gather the thoughts, to get it into words, to let it flow out. So that's the key. And because you can do it horseback riding, you can do it anywhere. And it will be only a few seconds. Sometimes it feels longer in our own, but it's not.
[00:15:37] Speaker A: You know how that goes. A second, one second feels like eternity. Sometimes on stage it does.
[00:15:45] Speaker C: But that, that moment of reset, that second or three seconds, it is a signal for your audience. It says, I have to wait for this. Because this is important. Whenever you have a message, a critical message that you want to share with your audience, you want to pause a little, state it. You want to go to your lower voice. Because a lower voice is perceived as wisdom. It's perceived as important. It's authority. It's. People think you're. You're older than you are, wisdom wise. When you go into your low tones, go a little lower, your voice is deeper. And then pause it again before you say anything else. And that sets that message apart. And they'll know it and they'll probably.
[00:16:38] Speaker A: I can visualize it. I can see what you're saying. I can visualize what you're saying.
[00:16:42] Speaker C: It's.
[00:16:42] Speaker A: It's the doing part that I have to try to practice, I guess.
[00:16:47] Speaker C: Yes. Practice and see the period.
Know when that statement ends. Period. So you can stop and then let them process for a second. Audiences need to process what we say. Sometimes if you go up on stage, and I love energetic speakers. I do. And there's a lot that's shared. But have you ever stepped back and you're like, oh, my God, gosh, I feel like I'm missing. I can't quite catch everything that they're saying.
[00:17:16] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:17:17] Speaker C: So you're doing them a favor. It's of value to them if you can take that pause.
[00:17:23] Speaker A: That makes sense. So breathing, visualization and then working in those pauses. I have a lot of like points. They're like, usually sentences that are throughout My presentation. Those like, thinky pieces, I guess. And that seems like that would be a good place to kind of pause and let people absorb that thinky statement.
[00:17:46] Speaker C: Yes. And you can practice that. You. The one thing that good speakers do is they record themselves. Go record yourself on video. Or we can do it together and then watch the playback and say, did I pause? How did I sound? How was I breathing? You can actually detect your own breath rate. You can see your chest move up and down. If you slow. If you do the playback in slow motion, and if you're breathing more than 20 breaths a second, I mean, a minute, you're not calm. So calm is somewhere between 15 and 20 breaths and test yourself and see.
[00:18:32] Speaker A: Yeah, I've never done that before. It's like, even when we get the videos of our talks at some of these conferences, I don't watch the replay because I. It's like. I don't know how to explain it. It's watching yourself on tv. I mean, it makes sense. It's like football. They want. They watch play black backs all the time to become better players. And so I see what you're saying. It makes so much sense. But I've never been what the person who goes and watches.
[00:18:57] Speaker C: Just take five minutes of it. Just. Just look at your beginning. And maybe you want to look at your ending, too, because beginnings and endings are really important for your audience. The beginning is that time that people have that connection. They either say, yeah, go, Brooke, or you know what? I'm going to play on my phone while somebody is speaking. So those first couple of minutes are crucial. You want to know that information like the back of your hand. Then you have the middle part of your presentation where there's still engagement. You're excited, and then it's that close. And that close is what's going to get them to take the next step. So at least go back and watch that so you can always be improving and changing and stronger front end and back end.
[00:19:49] Speaker A: Yeah, that's a good tip, too. I guess I could watch and practice and record the first five minutes. The last five minutes.
[00:19:57] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:19:57] Speaker A: That also doesn't feel so, like, big to tackle. Right. It's just 10 minutes.
[00:20:02] Speaker C: Right.
[00:20:03] Speaker A: 10 minutes to record and then 10 minutes to watch back.
[00:20:07] Speaker C: It's kind of a cringe moment. I wrote an article about this in my LinkedIn newsletter. It's such a cringe moment to have to watch yourself back. But the benefit. Tremendous.
[00:20:19] Speaker B: The benefit is tremendous, Deirdre.
I loved watching each aspect of this play out. The. I like the punctuation. I liked her facial expressions as. As she would. As they kind of sank in, as she got it at different moments.
I really loved what was going on. What did you notice as. As it was actually taking place? What was kind of going on in your mind? And what were you like? Oh, yes, this is great. What did you see?
[00:20:51] Speaker C: I noticed that when Brooke was understanding that her eyes would get a little wider, that she was surprised, but yet excited because deep down inside, she was already doing a lot of what it takes to get on stage and to not feel nervous. And she said a few things that I knew she was with me and that she would try. When she was talking about riding and working with her core and the breathing, she said, I get what you're saying.
The light bulbs started to connect. Yeah.
[00:21:24] Speaker B: And you could see it.
[00:21:26] Speaker C: Yes. You could see it on her face. And she said that she was scared. There were certain. Even though this is a good tip, this was something that I think I could do. She did say, I'm scared of pausing, but at the same time, she knew.
[00:21:43] Speaker B: That these little thinky pieces, the thinky.
[00:21:47] Speaker C: Pieces, the thinky pieces, that she could take those pieces and they would be perfect for the pause. And I think as we got deeper and deeper and there were these little things that she could do, she probably was realizing, not only have I done this before somewhere else in my horseback riding, the big reset, but I just need to practice. I need to do a little more visualization, and maybe I will record and cringe moment. Watch back. So she was taking it all in.
[00:22:19] Speaker B: Yeah. The power of this coaching method is it allowed her even those moments of anxiety to replace the emotional fear with something practical, with actually something tangible she could actually stand on. And you could see that transition even in her face as she recognized those points.
[00:22:41] Speaker C: Right. I mean, there were. Her facial expressions were smiles, her eyes would widen, her cheeks would go up. She had those aha moments. As we went deeper and deeper, the dots were connecting.
[00:22:55] Speaker B: Yeah, absolutely. I love this. And here's the great news, Deirdre is we're not done. In our next segment, you're going to lead her to, like I say, a whole nother level. You're about to go even deeper because this awareness is just. Just beginning to uncover the anxiety. As we go layer by layer, deeper within that anxiety, it gets a little scarier, but it also gets even more powerful. So, Deirdre, you're doing such a great job. I cannot wait till the next point. So let's go. All right, everybody stick with Us. You do not want to miss this next segment where, like I said, she goes one higher level. So stick with us. We'll be right back right after this.
[00:23:47] Speaker C: I do want to talk about your, your voice because you mentioned that in the beginning and there's something, sometimes we don't actually hear how we sound to maybe keep that in mind as well. But did something happen with your voice that makes you look at it unfavorably?
[00:24:10] Speaker A: I've always had a dislike of my voice because it's, I feel to me it sounds very high pitch, like babies and animals love my voice. And I think it's because it's up here.
And I'm also just like naturally a giggly person, as you've seen. Like, that's just how I am. And I just don't like that about myself. I did also get feedback from that 3,000 person event that somebody said my voice where somebody said my voice was annoying. So it kind of like solidified, I think, what I feel about my own voice to have someone else say your voice is annoying. I mean, yes, I realize this is the only voice I have, but I'm annoyed too.
[00:24:54] Speaker C: Well, how many? So you had the speaking engagement that was. Seems like your largest one, and you went out on stage and for the most part. Let me hear you share something positive first about that speaking engagement and then I'm going to address that comment.
[00:25:12] Speaker A: Okay. I also got a lot of good feedback from the engagement where people said that the content was really good, that they walked away with actionable ideas that they could immediately go. Immediately go implement, which is what every seeker wants to hear, at least me.
But then I got that piece of feedback about my voice and I think I probably allowed myself to focus more in on that because it's something that has bothered me versus the positive.
[00:25:41] Speaker C: Right. And human beings tend to do that. You can have a hundred positive comments and then one negative will come in and it's its negativity bias. As humans, we are programmed to, I guess, prioritize threats and things that can hurt us. So when a comment comes in that's negative, automatically we might say, ooh, have to be cautious over this, but let's challenge it. And I know that there's a certain highness that you don't like in your voice, but it's not all the time. I, I listen to you speak and you modulate your voice. I've, I've heard highs and lows in your voice. So it's only certain times. Would you say that's fair?
[00:26:36] Speaker A: Probably, yeah. I guess so. I don't know. Now I'm like, listening to myself and getting all weird. But I probably. Yes.
[00:26:45] Speaker C: Right. So it might not be all the time. Maybe it is in those excited moments and that's where the breathing happens, but the comment comes in. Do you know the person who made.
No, it's an oddball. Okay. So you don't know where the person lives. You don't know what was happening that day for that person.
You don't know that person's state of mind. Fair.
[00:27:10] Speaker A: Right, fair.
[00:27:12] Speaker C: So with that said, what are the chances that that person might have been having a bad day or something was going on with them?
[00:27:24] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, considering lately, like, you know, past four years or so, they might have been having a bad day for me.
[00:27:31] Speaker C: Exactly. Right. What goes on in the world, there's a greater probability that they're having a bad day. There's a book, I don't know if you've ever read it. It's by Don Miguel Ruiz and it's called the Four Agreements. Have you ever read that book?
[00:27:49] Speaker A: No.
[00:27:51] Speaker C: It's good. I read it when I was in my 20s and it's a game changer. There's four agreements that you have to make an agreement with yourself and practice. And the second agreement is don't take things personally. Because usually when people say things, it's more about a function of who they are, what's going on with them. It could be a projection, it could be about them. So you kind of have to take it. Even though it's directed at you, there's always something behind it.
[00:28:28] Speaker A: Wow, that makes a lot of sense. Yeah. I mean, I fill out speaker forms because as a speaker, I want to make sure that the speaker has feedback. But I guess I just would never be like, your voice is annoying.
[00:28:42] Speaker C: Yeah, no, exactly.
[00:28:46] Speaker A: Which would be a little bit more constructive than that. But. But that makes sense what you're saying. And I think that's just a life lesson in general. Right. Like, you never know what someone else is going through, and how they criticize you is probably. Yeah. Maybe more something to do with them than to do with you. But I like that agreement. That sounds like an agreement I need to make with myself.
[00:29:08] Speaker C: I think we constantly have to, just by what we're faced with. But it could have been even something that you were saying that struck a nerve and they pinpointed your voice as you said it, so it's hard to tell. It could be any number of things.
[00:29:29] Speaker A: Yeah, that's really true. I'm trying to like, think back now. I mean, I guess what I think I'm hearing you say or what I'm coming away with in my. In my head is I need to go watch the replay of that talk, which I have access to. I just haven't watched it.
[00:29:48] Speaker C: I think you should because you'll strengthen yourself as a speaker. And you said right at the start that you always want to be better, and that is definitely a way to be better. But you might find out some insights, just whatever it is that you were sharing.
Maybe there's something there that might be a moment for you to say, oh, I could see maybe. Why? I mean, I think I told you the story about how I had one of my classes, I was on video, and somebody pointed out that they hated the way I was moving my hands as I was teaching about language. So you take it with a grain of salt, which I did. I thanked the person. I did. I went back and I said, oh, my gosh, what. What were my hands doing at that moment? It was actually eye opening for me. You never know what you're going to find out. But that playback might just give you some insights and help you move forward.
[00:30:57] Speaker A: Oh, that's such an interesting thing that you say that, because my husband, it wasn't for this year's event, but the same event last year, he attended and he said, you did this, like, bird flapping dance across the stage. And I was like, I did? I don't remember. I don't recall doing that.
But yeah, I guess maybe I've been going so much into, like, the don't be nervous mode that I'm not even aware of what my voice or my hands are. My bird flapping dance is happening.
[00:31:30] Speaker C: Well, it sounds entertaining.
I bet you there's 85% of your audience love the bird flapping. And this is another lesson to think about, right? Will love the animation, will love the energy.
Some people just won't. And Brooke, you're getting out there two speaking engagements a month, which means next year, 20, 25, you might be doing three or four a month. And that means there's more people who will be sharing their critique.
And the bigger you get, the more you're going to hear It's. It's a curse and a blessing at the same time, but it does it. It toughens your skin and it gets you to reflect. How do you reflect? What do you do after a speaking engagement besides looking at the feedback? The actual feedback? Yes.
[00:32:31] Speaker A: It. Like, if I'm being honest, that's all that I do. And I think that's probably where a big gap is happening in. In how I want to present myself and how I'm presenting myself is I'm not giving myself the.
The review. I'm not playing the tapes.
[00:32:47] Speaker C: That's right. If you don't do that reflection piece, you don't celebrate the success as well. You might jump into the negative, which it. In this case, I could see why, because a comment was made, it. It touches something that you're not happy with, but you're going to get stronger with. But at the same time, there's a lot of celebration that could happen. And with celebration comes that gratitude for I. I'm so thankful that I was on that stage. Regardless of what anybody says, I'm thankful that I'm there. And it gets you set up for your next opportunity in a positive way to say, I've learned and I can't wait for the next one to come.
[00:33:34] Speaker A: Yes, I would love to get to that point. You know, I watch and these are people who've done it for a long time too, so they've had a lot of practice. But, gosh, when you see those good speakers get up on stage, it just feels like a natural conversation. They're so good at what they do.
And the information's good too. So it's like, I know I have the. The advice or the content that's good. I just want to have the presence, I guess is. Is what I feel like needs fine tuning. And so I guess to have presence, I have to look at my presence and make adjustments to move forward.
[00:34:14] Speaker C: Yes, to look at your presence, to celebrate your presence. The first step in the reflection is always to say, what did I like? What went well? And then after you celebrate some successes, then you can move to, what could I have done better? What, How. How do I want to improve? What are some steps I can take? And that at least gets you to learn from whatever happens and to feel good about all the things that you did. Right. And then you can move that forward into your next. And I think also I'm going to ask you to put a brief statement together for me because I think this is going to help you because it's really easy. It's a speaker's Persona statement.
If I were to ask you how you think people perceive you or maybe how you want to be perceived, how would you answer that? I want to be perceived as a speaker who is.
[00:35:29] Speaker A: Respected.
I would say respected. And if I had to say, like, what people see in me now, I think they do see, like the fun, entertaining side of me, as you know, I can be, like, pretty silly and goofy. That's kind of my personality.
I want to be that person, but I also want to be taken seriously.
[00:35:49] Speaker C: Okay, So I want to be the speaker who is respected, taken seriously, and can be fun and entertaining. Is that fair?
[00:35:59] Speaker A: Yes, that's absolutely fair.
[00:36:02] Speaker C: Now I want you to change it to I am.
Say I am the speaker. I am.
Yes.
[00:36:12] Speaker A: Respected and taken seriously, but also has a lot of fun. Yes.
[00:36:18] Speaker C: Now keep saying that because whatever you put after I am will be. It tells your brain. It. It frames your thoughts. It plays out in your emotions. Your emotions affect your behavior, and your behavior then affects the outcome of any situation.
[00:36:36] Speaker A: Yes. I think I live in the, like, excited state a lot, and that's okay. But I think I need to mix in the lower serious voice with some of those pauses. And if I can come up with, like, a mix of those things throughout, I can keep people focused and entertained, but also become the respected speaker that I want to become.
[00:37:05] Speaker B: I am going to see you right after the break.
All right, everybody. Welcome back to Communication Makeover, where we believe the intentional communication leads to the breakthrough that you're looking for both in your business and in your life. This live coaching session you've seen with Deirdre and Brooke, it's really phenomenal. I. I hope you've noticed how the initial idea of nervousness has shifted into the little tactical things that really lead to that. What we keep putting up pre scripted success, the decisions that you can make on the front end. And even have you noticed how Deirdre is challenging Brooke's thought process?
Challenging and giving her a new belief system almost of how are you. When you hear a comment, how are you interpreting that?
And by us challenging that thought process, it creates a new belief system. And that new belief system creates a new behavior. That new behavior creates a whole new world that Brooke is now living in. This next, this final clip, I want you to see. This is what we call in coaching, landing the plane. This is bring. Deidre is going to bring in Brooke to. What did you really take from this session? So stick with us. Watch this live take place. Here we go.
[00:38:44] Speaker A: That's what it is. It's just. You're right. It's the location. It's like I'm sitting here now versus being on that stage. Not in my home, in my. In my office. Not in the safe, you know, the safe space that we create for ourselves at home.
So I just need to find. I just need to ground myself When I'm not here.
[00:39:07] Speaker C: Right. And that stage can be very welcoming. It's telling yourself, it's getting into the mindset. That stage is welcoming you because all those people are there to see you. Unless somebody forced them to be sitting you up. I hope not. I hope. No, they're there and they're excited, and you can bring your excitement blended with that powerful, confident.
I'm serious about my business, and I can help you with all the insights I'm going to share. That kind of presentation.
[00:39:47] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:39:48] Speaker C: What you're going to find out is that when you feel aligned, right. When you're breathing properly, suddenly your. Your voice is sounding the way that you want to, your words are coming out the right way, your hands are just going to move and they're going to mean it.
[00:40:05] Speaker A: I'm a handy talker. Like on podcasts, I try not to do it as much, and I try to, like, put my hands down. But when I'm on stage, it's, you know, they're all like, they're moving all the time. Unless I'm holding a mic and then I'm like, with one hand, you know, kind of gesturing here.
[00:40:22] Speaker C: So that is something. Also, if you're able to dictate how you want to come across, if you want to hold the mic, tell the. The conference coordinator, I need a mic in my hand. So this hand just kind of moves and is not up here.
[00:40:36] Speaker A: Right.
[00:40:38] Speaker C: That's better for you. That. Try to control your environment as much as you can. For example, I worked with somebody who was afraid of going on stage, and she thought it was because it's a big stage and there's all these lights and the people in the audience. It wasn't that at all. It was when we got to the real heart of it. It's because she wears high heels and she was nervous walking up the stairs to the stage.
[00:41:08] Speaker A: Oh, my gosh. Yes. We all have that.
[00:41:11] Speaker C: Incredibly, once she stumbled, and it was after that scramble that she was really afraid to go out on stage.
She then was able to wear smaller heels and felt comfortable walking up the stairs. And her speaking engagements went well after that.
[00:41:29] Speaker A: Oh, my gosh. It's so funny that you say that. I started wearing sneakers, you know, last year, I think I started wearing sneakers because I just feel more comfortable and I'm very like, you know, I move around. I do bird dances, apparently. Yeah, Know.
[00:41:42] Speaker C: And I think you always feel comfortable.
[00:41:45] Speaker A: Yeah, the sneakers helped me feel a little bit more like I didn't want to, like, stand in one place.
It Made me feel more free to move. So that's interesting that you bring that up, too, because the sneakers, I think, were a big part of that for me.
[00:41:59] Speaker C: The sneakers, the clothes you're wearing. You should never buy a new outfit that you've never worn before to go on stage because you might find yourself fixing things and shifting your skirt.
[00:42:13] Speaker A: It could be every time. Oh, my gosh. That could be part of it, too.
[00:42:17] Speaker C: Then you need to think about all the ways that you're going to make it comfortable, whether it's your clothing you don't want, clunky jewelry, that you're making sounds by a podium that has a microphone, everything to be comfortable. And that includes, if you have a choice over technology, tell the coordinator I want the microphone because then at least I know what one hand is doing.
[00:42:46] Speaker A: That makes so much sense. Oh, and the outfit thing, you're right. Like, just know, like, oh, I need to judge this. Oh, wow. So I wonder if part of the outfit thing plays into it, too, because I. I literally am wearing a new outfit every time. And then maybe that's part of what is just adding to the plate of nervousness because I'm like, do I look okay?
Are my shoes untied?
[00:43:08] Speaker C: Exactly. Yes.
And it's all an expression of ourselves. So if whatever you're feeling beforehand will play out on that stage, if you're not comfortable in that outfit, if you find yourself adjusting even before you get out on stage, guess what's going to happen out there. So all these little things to think about, but they help you. They help you to breathe, they help you to feel ease. And of course, you are going to breathe the right way so that no matter what happens, you're going to stay calm. And the other thing I wanted to share with you about the breathing, if you're breathing in your diaphragm and you do get excited, you just draw the air up into your chest. You can still talk, you can communicate, and you won't have those choke moments. Your voice won't. You won't feel strained. It'll be much easier for you.
[00:44:06] Speaker A: Yeah, that makes so much sense. I think, because I'm nervous, I'm already breathing here.
And then when I get excited or if, for whatever reason, I get more nervous, it's like the. You know. Yeah. For Klimt is the best way I could think to describe it. It's like your voice gets, like, so squeezed.
[00:44:24] Speaker C: It gets squeezed. Keep breathing low. Be able to know that it's going to come up into your chest, but have the Reset. Like when you're horseback riding and put it back down and you'll see you'll be on point again and you won't always be up here.
[00:44:44] Speaker A: Right. Well, I. I don't want to be up there unless it's a really big point. I need to stay here. Like you said, in the middle heart. In the heart space.
[00:44:52] Speaker C: In the heart space. Exactly.
So from then, Brooke, what. What do you think you can take away?
[00:45:01] Speaker A: Well, first and foremost, I need to go back and watch all of those replays. I think that's where I need to start, because I haven't. I haven't been doing that, if I'm being honest. I've really never done that. I don't. I can't even remember the last time I went back and watched. So that's. That's place one.
Number two is to find a pattern, you know, that. That focuses on breathing and visualizing things going well and keeping in here with my talk before I get on stage. And then if I feel myself starting to get nervous or butterflies on stage to try, try to come up with like a. A mini version of the going on stage program.
So I can reset. I can pause and reset. Oh, and also to just kind of work in those pauses throughout, especially where those big statements are, because I think that will be very powerful for the presentation.
[00:45:59] Speaker C: Yes. And practice your speaker Persona statement.
It sinks in. It's the self talk.
[00:46:06] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:46:07] Speaker C: It's the positive self talk that seeps into your subconscious that will play out as your behavior and outcome.
[00:46:15] Speaker A: I am a respected and serious speaker who's a lot of fun.
[00:46:22] Speaker C: Yes, you are. And I've seen this. I. I've experienced it and looking forward to more of it when you're out on stage. Aw.
[00:46:31] Speaker A: Thank you so much. This has been awesome. I appreciate you.
[00:46:35] Speaker C: I appreciate you. Thank you.
[00:46:37] Speaker A: You bet, Deirdre.
[00:46:39] Speaker B: I can't agree more. That was awesome. I am a good show host. I'm just going to keep repeating myself until the audience believes me.
Deirdre, one of the things I really noticed in this was her facial expressions. You know, when someone's just kind of nodding and saying, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But these were like exclamation points in her face. She's like, oh, oh. I do judge my clothes.
And when she changed her shoes, her comfort level also changed.
So what's your big takeaway from Brooke's big takeaway?
[00:47:21] Speaker C: Well, as soon as I saw Brooke say, I can go higher. I can be lower, she knew that she can be the speaker who she's meant to be. I think my biggest takeaway was she walked away with a roadmap and through coaching, getting that situation, nailing the target, being prescriptive, and the little things got her to say, oh, okay, I'm going to watch the replay. I'm going to come up with my routine. I'm going to make sure I'm comfortable. I'm going to visualize, and it's all going to come together.
[00:47:58] Speaker B: It does all come together, Deirdre. This is why I love coaching. This is a very intentional process. This isn't the consultant who just calls themself a coach. This is a very intentional discovery, awareness, and then building those practical steps. And that's what everyone is going to witness on this show. That's how we create the makeover. And so everyone, I want you, I can't wait for you to enjoy next week because it's going to be more of this, of interviews, of talking to other coaches, of how they create that breakthrough. And then you witnessing live coaching like you just did with Deirdre and Brooke. And you see those aha moments. Deirdre, let's wave. We'll see you guys next week.
[00:48:48] Speaker C: See you.
[00:48:48] Speaker B: See you next week.
