Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Foreign.
[00:00:15] Speaker B: Hello, everyone. My name is Todd Wahl, and welcome to Communication Makeover, where we believe that intentional communication will lead to the breakthrough that you're looking for, both in your business and in your life. Today's episode can honestly be relabeled the Confessions of an Introvert. Because I could really speak from myself what we're talking about today. Deirdre is going to be coaching someone on the tension and anxiety around going to networking events. If she's anything like me, my head hurts going into it. My heart starts pounding. Honestly, most situations I try to avoid it all together. But the reality is we have to find ways of getting past this barrier of meeting new people when reality, it's not as bad as we think it is. We just have to have a strategy in place, know ahead of time who. Who do we want to be in that situation and how do we really want to show up? What's the outcome, the clear outcome that we actually need? When we're intentional about those things, the puzzle pieces start to magically come together. And in this, this coaching session with Deirdre, you're going to watch that magic. As we go through awareness, then discovery, and then get tactical about how to really make this thing happen. We all deal with this tension. So I don't want to delay any longer.
[00:01:52] Speaker A: Here.
[00:01:52] Speaker B: Here is Deirdre. Here we go.
[00:01:54] Speaker C: Well, tell me what's on your mind today so we can take a little adventure together.
[00:02:00] Speaker A: Yeah, I have. I mean, we were talking just not too long ago about networking. You know, I'm an independent consultant. I run my own business. I'm fortunate enough to have lots of great referrals, but somewhere along my communications path, I kind of lost the networking skill, if I ever even had. It has just never been a strong suit of mine. And I'm hoping you can help me get to the next level.
[00:02:26] Speaker C: Well, that's the beauty of coaching, Michelle, is that we're going to go on an adventure. We're just. You'll share openly and you'll figure it out as you go along. So I'm going to ask you questions and you just tell me what strikes you and how your feelings change as we continue on this journey. So, first question. You've been in communications, and I know that because we've worked together in the past, but has it always been the same kind? Have you always been a consultant or have you been in other parts of the communications industry?
[00:03:03] Speaker A: No, I've done a little bit of everything. So my first career was as a daily newspaper reporter, which seems like it would be very easy to go up and talk to people because I spent more than five years doing that every day. And then I transitioned into kind of classic PR account work. A lot of media relations, a lot of client engagement before, you know, I did that for 20 years before striking out on my own as sort of a high level consultant. And I've done some marketing work in there too. So I've really been on every side of the industry.
But when I think of how I got into pr, I kind of skipped those early days, right? Like, I was never a, to use the nomenclature, I was never a PR intern and I just never did the event work that so many people kind of get their feet wet with. So to me, like, I feel like it's a little bit of a detriment to me because I don't, I haven't been in those rooms as often, haven't had to really work that schedule. I've just sort of fast tracked to the top.
And usually when I'm meeting with someone, it's because they've been referred to me so they know who I am. They kind of have an idea of what they want. But really kind of going out and pressing the flesh and doing my elevator pitch things I consult on all day long or, you know, some of the skills that are maybe a little rusty with me.
[00:04:34] Speaker C: Okay, this is good to know when you have to go to a type of event that's different than what you've laid out. For example, you've said that you were the account executive, you worked with clients, so you were client facing at an agency and you sort of always had referrals. What about there must have been times where you would go out to different events, whether your company sent you or maybe you even chose to talk a little bit about when you did have to go out.
[00:05:10] Speaker A: My strategy is sort of ducking cover. Like if there's some task that I can do to keep myself busy, I'm happy to do that. Whether that's handing out name tags or whatever it could be. But really going out with the purpose of meeting new people is just a very uncomfortable position for me. So some of the strategies I've deployed in the past have been, you know, bringing along a friend or, you know, especially a really outgoing friend has worked very well for me. Kind of let them do the heavy lifting or just, you know, if I'm somewhere with a client, like I just give them 110% of my attention, make sure they have everything they need to do to be successful. And usually I Can meet some people that way.
[00:05:59] Speaker C: Michelle, is it different types of events? So when we talk about networking or being at an event, you said that you would duck for cover and hand out if it was name tags or whatever you were doing. Is it always the same kind of event or are they different? And do you feel certain way about one type of event versus another or is it just the same feeling?
[00:06:25] Speaker A: I think the hardest one for me is when you're doing like a general business event. So I was recently at a women's leadership conference in Milwaukee, which was wonderful, but it was a thousand people and really all they had in common were that they were women in business in the Midwest. So that to me is like a really challenging environment because there's not sort of that instant connectivity of, oh, we work in commercial real estate or we work in financial services, or we work in pr, where you have sort of, you can kind of narrow it down.
So you're going into these conversations or I'm going into these conversations completely blind. Right.
What people do on a day to day basis, how comfortable they are with kind of making that small talk. It's like a very wide skill set. Right. And there isn't that sort of natural jumping off point. So that is sort of the worst case scenario for me.
And I think it's also difficult when I'm with maybe like one or two other people. So there's. There's almost a comfort and being flying totally solo, it's like, go make a friend, go make a connection, have someone to talk to, bounce around. There's no sort of embarrassment factor if there's no one there to witness it.
But having a few other friends or, you know, colleagues almost is like, it's like too much of a security blanket where I find it's even harder to kind of break out of that group or talk to someone who maybe isn't directly connected to them. I want to feel like I'm like hiding behind someone all day at the, at the networking event. Kind of like off you go. Right. You don't want to be a shadow.
[00:07:59] Speaker C: Let's discuss a little bit. You mentioned the embarrassment factor. You're at an event and this one had a thousand people. And with a thousand people there, the probability that they all know each other is very small. That's what I'm thinking. So you're at this event.
[00:08:17] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:08:17] Speaker C: What are you feeling when you step in? What strikes you about the women that you're seeing who are around you? Are they different? Are they similar to you? Talk to me a Little bit about what would be embarrassment.
[00:08:34] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, I think the first thing is just like, being overwhelmed by the scope. Right. A thousand people is a lot to have in any type of hall.
So I start to notice kind of who's. Who's already matched up, who knows each other, who's like, waving from across the room because they're excited to see someone. And I try to find the people who are not doing that. Right. But to me, there's. It's. I don't know. To me, it's always been embarrassing to be like, hi, I'm Michelle. I'm in public relations. Like, there's like a cringe factor there, I think, because I don't know. I don't know why, actually.
It just feels. I've never been, like, overly salesy. I've always been just kind of someone who does good work, keeps my head down, try to be personable. But, like, it just. It's a very uncomfortable spot. And while I know intellectually that most people feel that way about networking, it doesn't make it feel any different in the moment.
[00:09:33] Speaker C: Well, then let's pursue that for a second that most people probably feel that way about walking up to somebody else. Have you ever been in a situation where someone has walked up to you and can you share that feeling?
[00:09:51] Speaker A: Oh, sure.
So often, you know, I don't. There's no judgment about it. Right. Like, that's what you're there to do. So it's just trying to. For me, when someone approaches me, I want to kind of make that connection.
But what I found is that people who are very outgoing at networking kind of have their spiel ready. Like, they're, you know, it feels like they're assessing you for what you can do for them. Which again, like, makes total sense if you're like, speed dating for business. But it doesn't feel like a real connection to me when someone's like, hi, I'm so. And so I do this. I'm going to this event across town. Like, it feels like it's very rushed and they're trying to move on to the. The next thing. Or they're, you know, occasionally it's that they have a very clear goal that they're trying to achieve. They want to meet so many people or they're looking for someone to help them with. You know, especially when you're in like, a PR adjacent networking event, you know, they're looking for a specific type of person or they want to get connected to someone else. So it feels like a very, like, Fast track to, like, getting to that goal, and you kind of miss the niceties in between. I would be very happy with the niceties in between.
[00:11:07] Speaker C: Okay, well, that.
[00:11:08] Speaker B: That's good to know, Deirdre. The clarity on that conversation. I can see the puzzle pieces coming together. I want you to know I identify with. With a duck and cover like she talked about, you know, is that scenario, if we're not intentional, will be there, but not actually be there. So, like, we go through the pain of being there, but we don't accomplish anything. And so that's one of the things I was hearing. Uncovering just a little bit in that.
[00:11:38] Speaker C: Yes, I think there's a little bit of pain for all of us when we go out there networking. What I was trying to do with Michelle was to get her to talk about, was it one type of situation? What do you like when people come up to you? Hopefully, you know, peeling back the layers a little bit so that she could say, oh, I. Well, I don't mind this, or, well, I. I don't like this so much. And she's starting to get there. She's starting to realize that people have a strategy, and that's what we're going to see unroll, unravel.
[00:12:13] Speaker B: Absolutely. I love it. All right, everybody, stick with us. It's just going to get better from here. The awareness has begun now. Let's go into discovery and get. Begin to get tactical. Stick with us. We'll be right back.
Like I said just a minute ago, I identify with duck and cover when it comes to networking. Hello, my name is Todd Wall, and welcome to Communication Makeover, where we believe that intentional communication will lead to your break, the breakthrough you're looking for, both in your business and in your life. We're talking about networking, we're talking about meeting new people, and we're talking about the anxiety that comes with it. The fear is that you go through the pain of being there, but you hide to the point where you don't actually accomplish anything. If you're gonna be there, you need a strategy to actually accomplish something. So. And it's all about being intentional. So join us now in this. Continue this conversation in the coaching session with Deirdre and Michelle and talking about how to get over the nerves of networking. Here we go.
[00:13:36] Speaker C: Let's talk about you. So now that you have shared, what happens when somebody else comes up? You mentioned looking for real connection, clear goals. So if somebody has clear goals, chances are you want to have clear goals as well. And you do like the niceties. Of conversation. Maybe it feels good to have some of those icebreakers. Would you, could you envision a situation where maybe you could walk into a networking event with those three parts in front of you, rather than just going in and having to think, oh no, who am I going to talk to and what am I going to do?
So tell me what it would feel like to have a real connection.
[00:14:29] Speaker A: I mean, that to me feels so, like, relaxed, right? Like, it's once you kind of know, once you have that point of connection, whether it's, we went to the same school, we know the same person, we're in the same field, we've lived in the same place. Like, it just gives you an opportunity to kind of grow from there.
To me, that's like the best place to be. Right. Because you are, you're talking about real life experiences, things that aren't so straight to that business relationship, but give you all of the, like, the soft skills that you want in a, in a good working relationship. Right. That you're able to find that connection, find common ground and hopefully maybe it's people you know in common, but you begin to sort of build out from a strong base. It's not kind of that A to Z, like, I just want to work with someone. I'm just looking for someone who does this sort of fast track approach.
[00:15:24] Speaker C: Okay. And when you have. So let's leave networking just for a second and think about your career in communications and even think about being a reporter. How did you go about setting out and making connections? Because you went from, at some point in your career, you were a junior professional, and now you certainly are a seasoned, more senior professional. How did you get there? Tell me about making connections with people outside of networking.
[00:16:01] Speaker A: Yeah, so I think as a reporter, it's really easy. It's sort of like deceptively easy. And when I've seen other people jump from like journalism to pr, this is what they don't understand. When you're a reporter, everybody wants to talk to you. Everybody. Like you are the star of the show. Every day the phone is ringing. You know, you call someone, they call you back right away. They, you have, you have a platform that they want and need.
Whereas when you're in pr, like, you can be a nuisance to some of those reporters, you can be a nuisance to your clients if you kind of don't understand the way they work.
And my approach to relationship building with clients has always been a lot of listening, a lot of thoughtful advice. But really I found my best clients, relationships happen when something has gone horribly awry and now we have to get it back on track, I think that's where you really get the proof of the relationship. And it's that opportunity to show that, hey, all these things that I said I was when times were great, like, that's who I actually am as a person and a professional. And I can prove that to you in this moment, even when tensions are high, even when there's a lot on the line, you can kind of like really show who you are. And I like. It doesn't always feel great in the moment, but that's where my best clients relationships have, have been and have really grown from.
[00:17:20] Speaker C: And that starts with listening. You pinpointed something that I really want to focus on with you. The ability to listen is a skill that is unmatched. And now take your. So you've had success, you have listened to clients, you have helped them through countless situations. When you go to a networking event, what do you think about listening?
So even though you go there and you think you have to speak, talk to me about listening.
[00:17:54] Speaker A: Yeah, I feel like I lose all art of conversation. Right? It's, you know, you have your like, questions that you run through. But I like, I get so nervous or just like so caught up in what I'm going to say that I forget to listen to what people are telling me.
So yeah, that's. That would be a detriment in networking because I'm losing the thing that makes me good at what I do.
[00:18:17] Speaker C: Right. So if you were to perhaps reframe the situation and what would happen if you went into the networking situation, as. I think I'm just going to listen because as a, you know, communications professional to communications professional, we've probably figured out how much people like to talk and to share.
And in that networking session, networking event, if you ask the right questions and open it up a certain way, what's the probability that you would listen and make a connection? Is it a higher probability than perhaps going in with what am I going to say?
[00:19:04] Speaker A: Oh, absolutely. And my mind is going to like better questions. Right. To get to that real conversation and not what do you do?
[00:19:17] Speaker C: That's that that is probably the number one question that people ask. But there, there is a technique. Have you ever heard of Ford? The Ford technique?
Well, you can use it in any networking situation. It's talk about family, you can talk about occupation, but in terms of goals, you can talk about R is recreation and D is dreams, or what do you aspire to do or be? And that Little four technique. You could just circle through it over and over again when you're at any event or, or you meet somebody for the first time and you'll find how much people like to talk. So now we're on this listening track, right? So you kind of see how listening might make a difference. You also said goals, and you're in communications. How do you get to goals? And what do you tell clients about goals?
[00:20:22] Speaker A: It's a complicated conversation, I find, like, I always think of that Steve Jobs quote that, like, people don't really know what they want. You have to show them what they want. And I think when you ask people about goals, they will often give you a safe answer or what they think you want to hear. So, so many times my conversation about goals is really about, like, what would be exciting for you, what is going to, like, light you up to work on, what's going to have a transformational impact on your business. Like, what are the problems that you're, you're really wrestling with now that if they went away tomorrow, would give you so much free time to focus on other things. So, I mean, I think there's a place to getting down to really, like timelines and KPIs and all that good stuff. But when you're talking about goals in the communications realm, I think it really is about helping people dream a new dream, come up with something that maybe they haven't thought of yet, that isn't. Very few executives dream about a press release or one specific media hit, but they have a big idea somewhere that they're. They want to communicate. It's why they do what they do, even if it's not the core of their business. So I think getting to that is also, you know, a testament to listening, but like just kind of asking some different questions and getting people to think a little more broadly than what they're used to day to day.
[00:21:56] Speaker B: Deirdre, did you notice the nerve switch when she went from being nervous to, oh, I, I think, yeah, I know how to do this. You took it out of context. It's that tool of going, let's talk about an area where you do have it under control. Her countenance. Everything changed at that point. What did you notice?
[00:22:17] Speaker C: I, I noticed that too, because we started the conversation where she was saying how she used to be the star as a reporter. And then when you switch over to pr, you're the nuisance. And then as soon as we got on that listening track, something began. It changed. She realized that, oh, maybe if I go in with the right questions, I can just listen. And then the goals dream a new dream.
It's saying, have a new goal or set of goals for your networking. It's different. So something is starting to take shape.
[00:22:54] Speaker B: It absolutely is. And just, just the one technique of the Ford technique just has something she had in her hands, you know, just to know so you don't feel flat footed. You know, it's like, it's like the person who gets on stage, they're, they're nervous, they're going to forget what they're going to say. And that's the biggest anxiety when reality is we know our message. We just have to be free enough to let it out. She connected with, oh, yeah, I used to be a reporter. I, I professionally ask questions. And so you can see that. You could see that confidence. She's like, oh, there's so many questions I would ask.
But even just having that Ford technique in her pocket, it's almost like a security blanket. Yeah, it is.
[00:23:37] Speaker C: It is helpful because you can just cycle through it. And once you know that you can pull that out of your pocket, it makes it a lot easier. And once you start, you might not even get through the entire forward. People can get stuck on the R in the recreation.
[00:23:55] Speaker B: You can choose which one is going to apply. Yeah.
[00:23:58] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:23:59] Speaker C: I think she's realizing that she can make some real connections. It's just going to take a different.
[00:24:05] Speaker B: Approach and going back to what we talk about all the time. It's all about authentic communication in the first place, about being open enough for transparent. Oh, it's like your heart is open and if you're up here on stage, you're not going to connect and have authentic communication. Same thing is true with networking. And that's where I think is really where we're leading. So. All right, everybody. You see the intentional approach that unlocks everything. Keep watching, Stick with us. We're going to keep getting even more intentional and watch the puzzle that was anxiety just begin to loosen right up. We'll be right back.
Hello, everyone. My name is Todd Wahl and welcome to Communication Makeover, where we believe that intentional communication will lead to the breakthrough that you're looking for both in your business and in your life. Today's episode to me is a powerful one, especially in Confessions of an Introvert. This is something I deal with on a regular basis. If there's a networking opportunity, I avoid it like the plague because of the anxiety that goes into that. But there is a strategy of getting over when I do it well, I Become somebody different. I have a specific strategy and an intention of going into that room in a specific way, and that's what this intentional communication unlocks. So this coaching session with Deirdre and Michelle, this is powerful stuff of identifying the little things that make the biggest difference. So let's jump right in. Here they go.
[00:26:04] Speaker C: Okay. Now, if you were to step outside of yourself and you became your own client, how would you help yourself to think differently about the networking? How could you ignite some kind of passion or what you're about to encounter that is enlightening or inspiring?
[00:26:28] Speaker A: Yeah, that's a great question. Because my networking is very rarely about. I'm. I want a new client, right? Like, it's. It's not that I'm very fortunate that I can be selective about the work that I do, but I do like to work with interesting people who have really interesting ideas. So to me, it's about finding those folks and kind of really understanding how people think. So if I were to advise myself, I would probably start with, like, well, what rooms are those people in? Or what rooms are their teams in? Right? How do you. How. How would you go about connecting with them to begin with in a way that isn't just like, I'm looking to do more business, right.
And what are my own ideas that I want to share with the world? So it's about finding those. Those and connecting those platforms more so than just about more. Right? More people, more business, more connections.
[00:27:26] Speaker C: Right? Because even if you connected with a few of the right people, interesting people, that could go a long way into feeding you, your. Your goals of how you want to network, who you want to meet, what kind of work you want to do with them? So now ask yourself, what can you do so that when you hear about an event, number one, you might be able to frame it out in such a way that you can get to the meaning behind it and maybe pursue some of those goals. What could be some of your prep work?
[00:28:04] Speaker A: I mean, the first thing that comes to mind is just like, what is the format of the event? Is there a really great speaker? Is there an agenda that isn't just like speed dating? Is it something more than, like, you know, two drinks in a nice venue? Because I think those events attract a different type of person than kind of the, like, just like hardcore networking events, right? So there's a little more time, there's something to connect about, whether that's a speaker or their topic that kind of lets you know what the mindset is going in.
[00:28:40] Speaker C: So now I Hear you choosing certain events. It's not. I'm going into all of these events. I feel a little more relaxation about events, especially when you have choice. Does having the choice to select and research and find the right speakers and know that maybe there are certain types of events that are better for you, well suited, and maybe others aren't, is that more comforting?
[00:29:09] Speaker A: Absolutely. And then even so much of it is just things that come across my plate. Right. A friend of a friend mentions it, they have an extra ticket. But. And I think I've been in a mode of like, let's just try it, let's just see what's out there, let's make these connections. And I think that's a great thing and it has its place, especially when it's like a professional that you might not have the strongest relationship with when they're inviting you someplace. But now I have this like extra screen of like, okay, well, if I feel pretty good about the professional relationship here, but there's someone they really want me to meet, or there's a great speaker, or it's just a different thing than what we've been talking about, then that can help kind of push me over to like, yes, this is an emphatic yes. Instead of like, yeah, I guess I'll see.
Right.
[00:29:55] Speaker C: And it seems as you're speaking about this, when it's somebody who's inviting you and it might be an opportunity, it's moving over to, this could be fun and not so much, oh, no, I think I have to duck.
Stay in the coat closet.
There's a little different talk. Talk to me about what the fun would look like at an event of your choice. Because it, and it's your choice when somebody asks you to go and you say, yeah, I think I'm gonna try this. Talk to me a little bit about the fun that you could have.
[00:30:33] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, I think the fun is in like meeting somebody who you wouldn't have met in another venue and like having that interaction that sparks something within you. Right. That gives you a new perspective on what you do or.
I mean, my favorite thing is when you meet someone, you start like exploring your kind of mutual connections and you realize you have all these people in common, but you just like got to the same place somehow. That to me is a great time. That's a great use of an afternoon.
[00:31:03] Speaker C: That's right. And it happens. Do you go out on social media at all? Are you networking on social media?
[00:31:10] Speaker A: A little bit, yeah.
[00:31:11] Speaker C: Okay. And every so often, do you ever find somebody who Surprises you and you keep in touch.
[00:31:18] Speaker A: Oh, absolutely. And that's again, like a great thing when you made again. And I love that about, like, social media, especially when you find someone on their idea, on what they're posting, and then you realize, oh, we have all these things in common. Right. We're in the same city, we know the same people, we're in the same, you know, we both go to the symphony, whatever it is.
He starts to kind of peel back those layers. I think that's social media at its best.
[00:31:43] Speaker C: And if it can happen on social media with millions and probably billions of people across the world using it, then the same might be applied in the networking situation. It's just peeling back those layers and making the choice.
[00:32:03] Speaker A: Absolutely.
[00:32:03] Speaker C: See how far you want to take it.
[00:32:05] Speaker A: Yeah. I think choice is a word that hadn't really occurred to me about this. It was like, oh, someone's inviting you, you should go. Or like, this is the thing. This is the place you have to be. And that's never really how I've approached anything else. So, like, why mandate that in this very specific area? Why not be thoughtful and strategic and think about what could actually make a difference for me and my business?
[00:32:29] Speaker C: Yes, that's it. Thoughtful, strategic, choice. It's enlightening. It makes you feel better. And I can see it on your face as we're discussing.
[00:32:39] Speaker A: My shoulders have come down from my ears as we talked about networking.
[00:32:44] Speaker C: Yes. That's for everybody to know. That's called turtling. When we start to feel uncomfortable, our shoulders go up and our chins go down. And your shoulders are down and your chin is up and you are feeling comfortable. There is also something to be said about what. What we discuss the. The research that goes behind the event. Sometimes we see something and we prejudge it. We say, oh, my gosh, there's 500 people. I'm not going to know anybody. Maybe this isn't right for me. Even though it's close, I'm. I'm not going to try it. By learning more about it, by seeing if anybody else wants to perhaps go with you and the whole friend.
Taking friends to networking events. There could be an agreement among friends just to say we'll start together, but let's make a point of maybe make it a game. We're going to meet three different people on our own, and then we'll meet back here in one hour. I've done that before. I don't. Have you ever thought of that?
[00:33:50] Speaker A: I love that I'm thinking of my networking Friends, and they'll be like, only three.
Okay, maybe 10.
They can do 10. I'll do three.
[00:34:01] Speaker C: Exactly. Whatever feels comfortable. And that's the other thing to decide. Even if my friends want to go meet 10 people each, if three is your goal, that's your goal. And that's good because it's your choice.
[00:34:18] Speaker A: Yeah, that's great. I love that.
[00:34:21] Speaker C: So you do have choice and also reward yourself. Perhaps you're not giving yourself enough credit for even just making the choice to go for standing there with drink in hand and talking to a few people or making some connections and moving on. All of that is a pat on the back and a reward to say, hey, you did it. That's a first step. But now what do I want to do next? So are there times that you perhaps should have rewarded yourself or patted yourself on the back, but you were a little bit hard on yourself?
[00:34:59] Speaker A: Yeah. That's a common theme with me in all manners of work is I strive for perfection, but good enough is often good enough.
[00:35:09] Speaker C: Okay. And can you see situations perhaps moving forward where good enough at the networking event would serve the purpose and you would just keep getting better and better?
[00:35:20] Speaker A: Yeah. As we're talking, I'm thinking of it as practice. Right. Like, not just like, oh, you have to go to this thing and meet three people and like, or else, you know, or else what? But to just kind of keep that. Keep building that muscle, keep it in use and not go weeks or months without doing it just because it's not my favorite thing to do. So maybe just, like, getting into the habit of doing it with a frequency that it doesn't always feel like you. I have to overcome this big, monumental challenge to get out the door and into the world when it is time to network.
[00:35:56] Speaker B: Deirdre, I want to celebrate with you before we go into breakfast. The shoulders dropping and the dimples started showing up. Her tension level completely changing. Because you created a thinking environment. Yeah. You were giving points, but you created an environment where she was discovering and she realized she could do this.
[00:36:18] Speaker C: Yes. And when you hear Michelle say an emphatic yes to an event and having fun, you know that a change has occurred. You saw it in your face.
[00:36:30] Speaker B: Yeah. It was so, so visible. I absolutely loved it. All right. And it's that visible change that coaching creates, and that's what we. We show on this show on a weekly basis. It's about the intentional movements you make to unlock whatever that communication environment is. But intentional communication creates the breakthrough that you're looking for. Stick with us. There's actually more.
Hello, everyone. Welcome to Communication Makeover, where we believe that intentional communication will lead to the breakthrough that you're looking for, both in your business and in your life. My name is Todd Wahl, and this is a very important episode for me because this is Confessions of an Introvert. This idea of networking is extremely, extremely. Did I say extremely. Stressful. It is something that we all deal with. Even if you are an extrovert, there's still anxiety of taking the time out to go do these types of things. But for introverts especially, we identify with that strategy of duck and cover. You know, there are events that we know we have to go to far, far too often we go to those events. We experience the pain of going there, but we don't get out of our shell enough to actually accomplish something. We were there, but we didn't actually make the impact or the splash that we wanted to get to. And it comes down to the intentional approach that we were taking. And so I love the specific aspects that have been coming out of this coaching session with Deirdre and Michelle. And so let's jump right in now to the last portion of the coaching session and see. Let's list to how she wraps things up. Here she goes.
[00:38:49] Speaker C: Have you ever done media pitching as a part of your career? Okay.
[00:38:53] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:38:53] Speaker C: And in the beginning, did. Did you like it?
[00:38:56] Speaker A: No, I hated it. I hated it so much. Exactly.
[00:39:00] Speaker C: Most professionals don't like it, but as you keep doing it and as you practice, it gets a little easier, and then you get slightly more confidence and you move on. Can you see how the pitching is similar to going to the networking event and talking to people? And even though technically maybe you do have a pitch, it takes time and it takes practice.
[00:39:30] Speaker A: Absolutely. One of the things I do in my free time is give tours with the Chicago Architectural Center. So it's groups of 15 people. We walk around town for 90 minutes or two hours. And what. What I learned very quickly doing that is if you don't do a tour with, like, every four to six weeks, like, it's really hard to remember all of the stuff you had to learn to kind of, like, check off those boxes. But if you keep at it, you know, if you do it with a little more frequency, you can really enjoy the time you have with the folks who come out and you're not, like, sweating bullets, being like, what year was this built? What style is this? Who was the architect? You know, you can have a lot of fun with it. Kind of reminds me of that Right. Like, it's just the, like, you have to be sort of in that groove and practicing it with enough frequency that it feels like second nature, even if it's not what you're doing every day.
[00:40:23] Speaker C: Well, I've heard, I've seen some moments, I see some expressions on your face. Michelle, talk to me about what you think your next networking session could be like, based on what we've discussed today.
[00:40:39] Speaker A: Yeah, I think it's. I mean, I'm definitely going to come in with some different questions. Right. For those. I feel like getting out the door, getting into the networking event, picking off some people, you know, or who are not just like in their own group, but like starting to talk to them. I'm thinking about some better questions about what they want to get out of the event, what they're working on. That's exciting, exciting to them how they spent their weekend and not just like, what do you do? Right. What brings you here? And really kind of activating that, that listening muscle. And I really like the idea of setting a goal, you know, whether it's two people or three people in the beginning. And then I feel like that gives me a very manageable way to kind of track my progress. So maybe in a year from now, eight people will be no problem. Right? Eight people in a one hour networking event will just be like second nature. But yeah, I think there's a. It makes me feel a lot more comfortable. I think to me it's always been this very like, wide net, like, oh, you got to network, you got to do the networking thing. You have to go to the events, you have to go to the conferences. And as we're talking, I'm realizing, like, well, they're not all created equal. Right. And kind of knowing, finding, finding the events that are a little more geared toward where I'm comfortable can help me kind of get comfortable and in that networking groove and then, you know, we can go from there.
[00:42:09] Speaker C: That's right. Learn and grow, practice, and it becomes easier. It seems to me, Michelle, that the networking experience will be different for you.
[00:42:22] Speaker A: I feel it. I feel it in my shoulders, in my bones.
[00:42:26] Speaker C: Good.
Well, it shows. Anything else that I can help you with on that note, or you feel comfortable?
[00:42:34] Speaker A: Thanks. This has been a wonderful conversation. And like I said, even though I'm usually in the coaching seat. Right. Helping people kind of get to what they already know, I'm always amazed, sitting on this side of it, how much you can accomplish in such a short amount of time. I feel completely different after talking to you.
[00:42:54] Speaker C: Well, thank you. And thank you for sharing openly. And you'll have to report back on your next network.
[00:43:00] Speaker A: I definitely will. I definitely will. And thank you for the opportunity. This has been wonderful.
[00:43:07] Speaker B: Deirdre, the first thing I want to point out is the metamorphosis that took place and really I want to highlight the difference between coaching versus consulting. You did highlight, you did offer some nuggets of, of wisdom there. But for the most part, this transfer of creating a thinking environment where you toss the ball back to her, you could see her digging out her solutions and the result of is what we saw at the end there where she was open, bubbly and excited. It wasn't someone who had been talked to or talked down to.
Not that all consultants talk down to people, but it's more of a one way conversation in most situations.
[00:43:52] Speaker C: Right. It was asking the right questions and sometimes taking Michelle out of her head and getting her to be in a different situation. It's almost if something happens here, then it could bring it back into your networking. When I talked about the media pitching and how nobody likes pitching the media, but once you get good at it and you practice, it feels okay, you get confident. Same thing with the networking. There were, there was a lot of ways that I just brought her out to get her back in and to think differently.
[00:44:29] Speaker B: Yeah, absolutely. And the, the practical nature, her going from the beginning of duck and cover, that was, it wasn't. That is a strategy. It just doesn't get the outcome she's looking for because as a perfectionist, she really connected with, well, what's the outcome? I'm looking, what's the goal?
She really connected with that as a specific driver going forward, didn't she?
[00:44:53] Speaker C: Yes. And she couldn't get to goal unless you do some legwork. You have to look at these networking events, research them, find what you're looking for, identify, and then you can formulate. Well, if I know it's this kind of networking event, these kinds of speakers, different industry professionals, then I know what I want to do. So that little plan of action helped.
[00:45:19] Speaker B: It does. Because that even speaks to like, like we talk about controlling your speaking environment of, of on stage. Do you like a handheld mic? Do you like a lavalier mic? Do you. Controlling the environment you're in gives you that emotional freedom to step into it and helping her recognize she has control of which ones she goes to and which type she's comfortable in. Because you don't use a screwdriver when a hammer is needed as a specific tool for a specific job.
[00:45:51] Speaker C: Exactly. And she has a choice. Even the word choice made her happy, knowing that she didn't have to always say yes. And if she was going to say yes, it would be an emphatic yes. And that was a sense of ease. Did you also notice the shift, Todd? I loved when I saw a shift about the friends. She first talked about networking where you go with your friends and then you just kind of end up sticking together. But then at the end it became a game where you can start together and then let's go get three, meet three new people. And at the end she said, and I think I can get eight.
[00:46:33] Speaker B: Yeah. You know, she said when she was talking about friends at the beginning, it was like, like your joke with the cloak. The cloak, the coat closet. It was really a tool to hide behind the extrovert. How many times does the introvert play the game hide behind the extrovert?
[00:46:48] Speaker C: All the time. Yes.
That's a familiar game.
[00:46:53] Speaker B: It is. And, but, but you created it, you gamified it in a way that just made it incremental change. It wasn't, she wasn't then looking for a huge outcome. It was, oh, what if I, what if I just connect with three people and it felt manageable. It felt like I'm not trying to swallow the entire pie all in one bite. I can take it one bite at a time.
[00:47:16] Speaker C: And manageable gets rid of the overwhelm.
[00:47:19] Speaker B: It does.
[00:47:20] Speaker C: Because knowing that we can manage, that's going to ease the nerves. And I think you. Michelle's looking at her networking opportunities now. It's an opportunity where before it was a networking duck and cover.
[00:47:34] Speaker B: Yeah. When at the very end, when she brought in the, the tours that she gives, she again, because you created a thinking environment, she was continuing to self coach. She brought, she brought another environment in where she goes, oh, and that reminds me, I need repetition. I can't let too far go on or I'm going to forget the tools. So the more often I do it, the easier it is. You didn't ask her question. That was the beauty of coaching. You just, you created the environment and the environment started fixing itself.
[00:48:10] Speaker C: Yes. I love that she had takeaways and that she was going to put them to good use and that she came to discovery on her own and that's the best possible scenario.
Not just the words that she was sharing and her next steps, but you could see it written all over her face.
[00:48:28] Speaker B: You know, Deirdre, both you and I are recovering introverts.
But what you're saying is it's possible to go and network like a powerhouse?
[00:48:40] Speaker C: Absolutely. You can do anything. If there's a will, there is a way.
[00:48:46] Speaker B: Absolutely. All right. That's it for this week. It was a powerful, powerful show. Where there is a will, there is a way. And even as an introvert, you can be a powerhouse if you're intentional, you are courageous, and you step into the person that you want to be. We'll see you next week.
